First date tips for casual dating: a checklist for before, during and after

What should you do before a first date?

Before a first date you should check that the person is real, agree a time and place in the chat, and tell a friend where you are going. A few minutes of preparation costs nothing and lets you enjoy the evening instead of wondering about it.

• Look for the verified badge. Members who pass Joydate's free ID check carry one; if your match has none, ask them to take the check first.
• Do a short video call. Real people usually agree; someone with a new excuse every time is a reason to pause.
• Reverse-search their photos. The US Federal Trade Commission suggests this to see whether a picture belongs to another name or story.
• Stay in the chat on Joydate until you have met, and keep your home address and workplace to yourself.

On Joydate these checks are part of the site: the ID check is free and adds a Verified badge, and other members see only your username and nearest town until you choose to share more.

Join free and verify your profile →

Where should you meet for a first date?

You should meet somewhere public, busy and well lit, ideally a place you already know and can leave on your own terms. A bar or restaurant on a lively street works well, and so does a coffee in daylight if you want to see whether there is a spark before an evening out. Arrive under your own steam, so that you decide when to leave.

Before you go, check how you are getting home. Many cities run late buses only on certain nights, and a missed last service is an easy way for a good evening to turn awkward. Our city guides list the late-night options for each place, such as Auckland or Toronto.

How do you stay in control during the date?

You stay in control by keeping your phone charged, looking after your own drink and treating every step as optional. Consent can be given and taken back at any moment: nobody owes a second drink, a kiss or an invitation home because they turned up. If something feels off, you can leave, and a message to your friend or a block on the profile afterwards is enough.

Your first date checklist

When	What to do
Before	Check the badge, video call, tell a friend where and when, plan the journey home
During	Stay somewhere public, keep your phone and drink with you, say no whenever you want
After	Message your friend, think before you share personal details, block and report anything that felt wrong

What about sexual health?

Looking after your sexual health means using condoms and getting tested when you have a new partner or any symptoms. Public clinics offer this confidentially. In Auckland, for example, Health New Zealand's Auckland Sexual Health Service describes its care as free, expert and confidential; at its central clinic you can ask reception for a Quick Check, which gives you a self-test pack and a blood-test form, and you are contacted only if a result is positive. If you have symptoms, or a partner with an infection, ask to see a nurse instead. Check your own city's health service for where to go and book ahead where clinics ask you to. Our city guides say where to get tested in each place, for example in Toronto, Montreal and Auckland.

What if someone asks you for money?

If someone you met online asks you for money, stop replying and do not send anything. Netsafe, New Zealand's online-safety organisation, tells people never to send money, give access to a bank account, share passports or licences, or send gift card codes to someone they have met online, however long they have been talking. Its advice in three words: stop, challenge, protect. The FTC adds that anyone who cannot meet you in person and then asks for money is a warning sign.

Already paid? Contact your bank or card provider at once, then report it: Netsafe takes reports on 0508 638 723 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.) in New Zealand, and the FTC takes them at ReportFraud.ftc.gov in the United States. For other countries, see where to report a scam. For more on spotting the signs, read how to spot a fake dating profile.

What if you feel unsafe?

If you feel unsafe, move to a busy place and call your local emergency number: 111 in New Zealand, 911 in the United States and Canada, 999 in the UK and Ireland, 000 in Australia. Tell the venue's staff if you need help leaving. Afterwards, block the member on Joydate and report them so the team can review the profile.