What is casual dating? The meaning, the rules and how to start

What is casual dating?

Casual dating is seeing someone, or a few people, for fun and chemistry without the commitment of a serious relationship. You meet up, flirt, maybe sleep together, and nobody expects exclusivity, a shared future or a label unless you both decide otherwise.

The word itself gives the game away. The Cambridge Dictionary defines one sense of casual as “not regular or fixed” and lists casual relationship as a typical example. That is the heart of it: the connection is real, but it is not built around plans.

The term covers a lot of ground. For some people it means a string of first dates with no pressure; for others it is one person they see every couple of weeks; for others again it is a friend with benefits. What ties them together is that both people know it is meant to stay light.

What does a casual relationship mean?

A casual relationship means two people are seeing each other regularly but have agreed, out loud or by clear understanding, that it is not a committed partnership. You might text in between, go for dinner or stay over, yet neither of you owes the other a weekend, a holiday or a meeting with the parents.

The difference between a casual relationship and a situationship is that word “agreed”. In a casual relationship both people know where they stand. In a situationship nobody has asked, so each person is guessing, which is exactly when feelings get hurt.

How is dating casually different from a relationship?

Dating casually differs from a relationship in what you expect from each other, not in how much you like each other. Three things usually set them apart.

1. Exclusivity

In a relationship, being each other's only partner is the default. When you date casually it is the exception, and only if you both say so.

2. The future

Couples make plans together. Casual partners enjoy the time they have and leave next month open.

3. Everyday life

Partners slowly merge friends, families and routines. The casual version mostly lives in the evenings you spend together and the messages in between.

If you want to compare the other casual labels too, our guides to NSA meaning and friends with benefits rules explain where each one draws the line.

Is dating casually right for you?

Dating casually suits you when you want closeness and fun but have no room, or simply no wish, for a committed relationship right now. That might be after a breakup, during a busy stretch at work, in a new city, or just because you enjoy meeting different people.

It tends to go wrong when it is a stand-in for something else. If you are secretly hoping each date will turn into a relationship, or you are seeing someone casually to make an ex jealous, it will probably feel worse rather than better. Being honest with yourself first makes being honest with the other person much easier.

How do you start dating casually?

Starting to date casually is mostly about saying clearly what you want and then keeping a few simple habits. Here is how to begin without awkwardness.

1. Know what you want: one night, something regular or a friend with benefits. You can change your mind later, but start with a clear idea.
2. Say it on your profile: a short line such as “keeping things casual for now” saves both sides a lot of time.
3. Agree the basics: whether either of you sees other people, how often you meet and how you keep in touch.
4. Meet somewhere public first: a bar, a cafe or a walk, then decide together where the evening goes. Our first date tips cover the details.
5. Check in now and then: a quick “still good for you?” keeps it light for both people.

What are the rules of casual dating?

These rules are less about romance and more about respect. Nobody hands you a rulebook, but most people who date casually agree on these.

• Be upfront: say early that you want something casual, before anyone gets attached.
• Be honest about others: if you are seeing other people and the other person asks, tell the truth.
• Protect each other: condoms, and a grown-up conversation about when you were last tested.
• Keep private details private: your address, workplace and surname can wait until you trust each other.
• End it kindly: a short, honest message beats ghosting, even when nothing was ever official.

What if one of you wants more?

If one of you starts wanting more from a casual arrangement, the fair move is to say so early and calmly. It happens often and it is nobody's fault. Tell the other person what has changed, without expecting them to feel the same.

Then decide together. Some casual relationships turn into real ones; others end on good terms because one person needs something different. Either outcome is better than pretending nothing has changed and hoping the other person notices.

Where can you find casual dating?

You can find casual dating most easily on sites built for it, where members are open about wanting something light. Joydate is free to join: say on your profile that you are after something casual, and you will see members nearby who want the same. A free profile includes a few messages every day, and VIP removes the limit.

Wherever you meet, the same basics apply: be clear, be kind, meet safely and look after each other. Our safety page has more on meeting someone new.