One night stand meaning: what it is, what ONS stands for and how to handle one well

What does one night stand mean?

A one night stand is a sexual encounter between two people that happens once, with no plan to turn it into a relationship. The phrase can also mean the person you spent that night with.

The dictionaries put it simply. Cambridge defines it as a sexual relationship that lasts for only one night, or the person you had it with. Merriam-Webster describes a sexual encounter limited to a single occasion, and also the partner in it. Neither says anything about how the two people met: it could be a stranger at a bar, a match from a dating site or someone you already knew.

What makes it a one-off is the agreement, spoken or not, that the night is the whole story. Nobody owes the other a second date, and nobody needs to pretend there will be one.

What does ONS mean?

The three letters are short for one night stand. You will see them on dating profiles, in forum posts and in messages, usually from people who want to say what they are after without spelling it out. “Not looking for a one-off” on a profile means the opposite, so read the whole line.

It sits alongside other shorthand such as NSA, for no strings attached, and FWB, for friends with benefits. Our guide to NSA meaning explains how those two overlap and where they differ.

Where does the phrase come from?

The phrase began in the theatre, not the bedroom. Merriam-Webster's first sense of the phrase is a performance given only once in each town by touring actors or musicians, and Cambridge still lists that meaning next to the romantic one. A single show in one place, then on to the next: the idea moved easily from the stage to dating.

Today almost everyone uses it in the second sense, and it is informal rather than rude. You can say it to friends without raising eyebrows, though it is kinder not to describe a real person that way to their face.

How is a one night stand different from a hookup or a booty call?

A hookup is the broader word: it can describe anything from kissing to sex, once or many times. The one-night kind is simply a hookup that happens only once, usually with someone you have not slept with before. A late-night invitation to someone you see now and then is a different thing again, because it repeats. That is a booty call, and our booty call guide explains how it works.

If you meet up again and keep it casual, you are closer to casual dating or friends with benefits. Our guides to what casual dating is and the rules of friends with benefits describe how those arrangements usually work.

How do you keep a one night stand easy and respectful?

It works best when both people know what it is and look after each other. These six habits cover most of it.

1. Say what you want: make it clear early that you are thinking of one night, so neither of you hopes for something else.
2. Meet in public first: a drink somewhere busy lets you both check the chemistry before anyone goes home.
3. Tell a friend: share where you are going and with whom, and send a quick message when you are home.
4. Agree on protection: bring condoms and talk about them before things get going, not halfway through.
5. Check in: asking “is this still good for you?” is not awkward, and a no or a hesitation means stop.
6. Part kindly: no need for a speech the next morning. A warm goodbye and an honest answer if they ask about seeing each other again are enough.

What about the morning after?

The morning after is usually easier than people fear. Coffee, a shower if it is offered and a friendly goodbye are all that is expected. If you would like to see them again, say so plainly; if you would not, do not promise to call.

Feelings sometimes arrive late. If one of you wants more after a single night, that is fine to mention once, and it is just as fine for the other person to say no. Do not keep texting someone who has made their answer clear.

Is a one night stand safe?

It is about as safe as any first date, as long as you take the same care. Meet somewhere public, arrange your own way home, and do not leave your drink alone. Keep your address, workplace and surname to yourself until you trust them, and if someone you have only met online asks for money, the answer is always no.

Use condoms and get tested regularly; sexual health clinics offer tests in confidence. Our safety page and the first date tips go into more detail.

Where can you find a one night stand?

The easiest place to find one is somewhere people are honest about it. Joining Joydate is free, and every profile shows whether its owner wants a one-off, something regular or friends with benefits, so your first message goes to someone who wants the same as you. A free profile includes a few messages every day, and VIP lifts the limit.

However you meet, the basics never change: be clear and kind, respect a no and look after each other.